yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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