who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
