Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize