I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
