my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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