You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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