Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize