Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
