Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
