i think my tv is drunk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
