hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
