i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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