I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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