Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize