what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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