She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
