im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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