Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
