its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize