If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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