Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
