she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
