somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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