It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
