Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
