4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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