i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
