Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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