My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
