my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
