For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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