OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
