**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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