we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Houston, we have a blender
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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