So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
