Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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