He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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