i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
