I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
