im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
