I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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