vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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