After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My vagina just recognized that song.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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