So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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