And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize