its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
