ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
