So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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