Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
