i may or may not be watching the land before time
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
