You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
