I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
