Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize