i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
