I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
