i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
