I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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