True but thats because hes a fetus.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
