Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i love accidental penises.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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