dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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