I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
