Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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