Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
