i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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