So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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