He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
