just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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