Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
