Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
