hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found a bag of teeth...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
