this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
