maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
