im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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