even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
