you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
