your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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