I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
