Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I love having hate sex.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
