Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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