dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
