He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
