I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
