p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
