I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i barfeds in our rink
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
