She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
