The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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