she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
