so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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