I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize