It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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