Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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