well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
