i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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