I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
