Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize