It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
