tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
