mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
