even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
