I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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