I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Everyone says I win the strip club
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
