true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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