I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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