im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
