he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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