its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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