bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
