just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
