Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
