Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
