If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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