Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize