well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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