Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize