Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
