You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
