Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
